We will all be happy and like each other

So Stellenbosch's version of spring break is this next week, and with the AIFS program I'm going on a week-long tour of the Garden Route. I think Easter is somewhere in there, but I've been so lax religiously for the past few years, I had to log onto catholicism.about.com to figure out it's the 12th. Thx, internet!

I felt like a diabetic in a candy store yesterday when we were signing up for activities to do. Or like a recovering alcoholic in a liquor store? My physical therapist warns me not to do anything involving vibrations, back-and-forth spinal impact. In plain English, this means I can't do anything fun. Horseback riding? Canopy/zipline forest tour? Bungee jumping? No, no, and no. Though apparently the horses are kind of feral and it turns into some sort of rodeo-type thing. And... I saw some of the videos of past students bungee jumping and it almost made me barf. Why would someone willingly subject themselves to that? And then it costs R1500? Someone couldn't pay me enough to jump off that bridge.

One girl from last semester, immortalized through YouTube, had second thoughts once she was in the harness and at the edge of the bridge. She was all, "No! No! I don't want to! Please, no!" and the guys sympathetically (NOT) shoved her off the edge of the bridge, where she flailed like a piece of bait for three or four minutes. It was kind of gross. The sporadically facial-haired guy who was here last semester assured us that "she ended up really enjoying it". Yeah, I'm thinking I'll pass on that type of "enjoyment" for, like, ever.

The most interesting part of the meeting, though, was the list of ground rules our rather hairy program director had organized. A few of them were legit, if we were like 5 and on a school field trip to the zoo: keep up with your belongings, remember to pee often and early, remember clothes and toothbrushes. And one of them was (I wish I were joking, but alas, I'm not), "We will all be happy and like each other."

First off, this sounds like brainwashing, Barney-style. Second, Mr. Hairy's observation that "over the course of the trip, you may discover you kind of never want to see some of these people again", while having some merits, fails to account for people you already never want to see again. There is that girl I sort of called a bitch on Day 1; I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess we won't be penpals post-Africa. Third, what?!

But really, this is all sort of indicative of the biggest problem with the program. This is what happens when you have an altogether too-large group of people studying abroad: you get cliques a la the 10th grade. I'm not even joking. The rich bitches, the athletic girls who run every afternoon, the people from Providence, the hippies, religious + athletic, religious + not so athletic, beautiful people from New York, the short guy with a Napoleon complex + his unlikely hot hookups, the surfer boys, butterfaces, and that group headed by the girl who hates everyone but little kids (like that Demetri Martin joke, "people who just like kids are sort of saying, 'I like people... but only for a little while'"). Guess which one I'm in! I think I'm in the "spillover from Boston" group that's sort of a catchall for outcasts. I'm surprised we don't have cheerleaders dating football players and contested Homecoming Queen elections. Still, I'm fulfilling pretty much the same role I had in high school (antisocial turbo-nerd, since I like to read and don't really care about impressing people I already sort of think I'm better than) so I guess some things never change. Still, that is my criticism of this program: there are too many people. Schlossman went with a cozy group of eight (?) or so to Poland, and they meshed. Because, even with a cheerleader and a nerd in that group, how many cliques can you possibly form with eight? There is no meshing here because everyone immediately finds a group they "fit" into, because they have that luxury of choice, and it's PHS all over again. Because there are over 60 people on the trip, and lines apparently have to be drawn. I just wish there was a band hall so I could more obviously identify as a nerd, just like in high school. Here, I have to be a bit more subtle about it and relegate my useless fun facts to Trivia Night at the Irish pub.

Subject change! Food complaint:

In Stellenbosch (or, as the residents affectionately dub it, Stellies), we have a McDonald's and a Steers, a more-expensive, barbeque-sauce version of McDonald's. There are milkshakes everywhere you go, and you can order hamburgers even from the "Tex-Mex" place. Craving some nice ground beef the other day, I ordered a hamburger. And, like so many things I pine for and then finally receive, it kind of... sucked. Hamburgers here are not hamburgers. They are meatloaf sandwiches. The meat is all soft and sort of lacks any real form. I don't like meatloaf. And, sadly, it gets to the point where the fast food places are the only decent joints in town to satisfy your hamburger craving. It's very lonely. (Lonely=having a hankering for a good cheeseburger and being unable to realize those desires.)

The moral of this story is, send me a delicious cheeseburger in the mail. Please?

Love,
Sarah