The Cavemen outside my window annoy me

Do you remember the first time you heard a "South African" accent? Perhaps you were watching Blood Diamond and you realized Leo was speaking a particularly interesting dialect of English. Maybe a trendy blonde just cut your hair and you had to find out where she came from. It wasn't quite a British accent...

I've been in love with the typical Afrikaner South African accent for a long time. My love began when I was at Ogle, getting an $8 haircut and the cute blonde said she was from Jo'burg. Since then, I've really been in love with the way they slightly roll their R's and the melodic way they pronounce my name (more of a "Sea-air-ah"). In my opinion, no matter how stupid the expressed sentiment, you just couldn't go wrong with that accent.

How many more times will I have to say this? I was wrong.

I hadn't counted on the complete cavemen that populate Academia. Today, one of them told a girl to make him a sandwich, woman. Moreover, they seem to find it eternally amusing to run around our block yelling "gluuuuuuuuuuuuuurg" or "maaaaaaaaaawk" or any number of grating unisyllables. They dress in wife-beaters and are super beefy and... anyway, my dreams of snagging a South African beau are quickly evaporating. Plus, they're all blond, which (I know, I know, I'm such a racist) makes them all look the same, just like that time I watched that Danish movie and couldn't tell who was whose sibling or romantic partner.

So why am I not gauging my eyes out, Oedipus-style, at the realization that procreating with one of these cretins would mean children with combined IQs less than 100? Because there is hope. Maybe. Despite the impracticality of his wardrobe choice (given that the temperatures usually hit 85-95 degrees Fahrenheit, plus that intense African sun), a blue sweater-clad guy in my Hemingway class took his seat Tuesday (and my breath away). I do have a thing for sweaters, but it was more than that: this guy has a sensitive, almost-feminine face and sporadic facial hair. He makes decent insights about the short stories and even laughed at my Gary Coleman reference (you thought Coleman and Hemingway were on completely different planets? Think again). In short, he's my new target. Which probably means I will smile at him bashfully for the remainder of the semester and shortly learn that he's dating one of the twigs who goes here.

In other news, I'm going to be so behind on American slang when I get back. Any new phrases I need to add to my slang dictionary? Anything I should "drop like it's hot" over here?

Also, there is one town in South Africa that refuses to end Apartheid. So if you're Jewish or Black or not-an-Afrikaner, you can't enter. Apparently, it's the laughingstock of the entire nation.

In national news, Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon are in South Africa right now, filming The Human Factor, about Nelson Mandela uniting the country post-Apartheid via 1995's Rugby World Cup. I really don't know how I feel about Freeman playing Nelson Mandela (WTF, Hollywood?), but it does explain why the air seems full of magic, life a little more hopeful...